


Breaking Through

by Skyler10



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:26:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6926125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyler10/pseuds/Skyler10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose doesn’t expect the unleashing of emotions along with the conclusion of her adrenaline-fueled years-long mission. Tentoo misinterprets. Hurt/comfort ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Through

**Author's Note:**

> For TimePetalsPrompts – “anger” (and a mention of the bonus prompt, “balls”)

His first night in Pete’s World, the Doctor woke with a start. A chill blew in from the balcony’s open door, billowing the sheer white curtains into the Norwegian hotel room.

A feminine silhouette leaned on the railing, arms crossed and gripping her own elbows, like she was literally holding herself together.

He watched her face turn up to the stars. He couldn’t see whether her eyes were open or closed. It didn’t matter. He could guess what was going through her mind.

Earlier, she had been plenty accepting on the surface – the kiss on the beach, holding his hand – but there was still something distant about her, a wounded girl buried inside, that she was hiding from him. Now that she thought he was asleep, the Doctor reasoned, she felt she could let it out.

It shouldn’t surprise him. She was allowed to miss the fully Time Lord Doctor, of course. The TARDIS. Her home universe. Mourn the loss of what she’d been working so hard to get back to.

It certainly shouldn’t hurt him.

She just needed time. Time to adjust. They both did. She’d see it was really him. That he _was_ her Doctor.

As he tried to convince himself not to worry, the dark figure on the balcony began shuddering and didn’t stop. She clutched her stomach with one hand and covered her face with the other.

His instinct, of course, was to go to her.

He resisted.

Instead, he sighed and let his heart break a bit. This was going to be difficult, perhaps more so than he knew. But he was certain of one thing: he would never stop fighting for her, no matter what it took.

 

* * *

 

 

Rose had slid out of bed ten minutes ago, unable to sleep. The balcony seemed like a good alternative at the time, but then she hadn’t realized the stars were back. Of course they were, but they were so incredibly clear here away from London. The crisp sea air bit at her skin. Shivering, she looked up to find the moon.

It too was back in place.

For some unexplainable reason, that did it. Seeing the evidence of how they had saved all of Creation, she lost all composure.

The adrenaline and determination that had been fueling her through each gut-twisting dimension jump, each infuriatingly difficult physics lesson, throughout the entire building of a time machine in a pocket universe out of a dying TARDIS of a Doctor who had lost the will to live without her – the last few years of trauma raged within her.

She realized she was weeping, tumultuous emotions overflowing until they burst out with force and reckless abandon. There was no processing, no sense or discernable trigger to it. Just years of grief and terror and pain and fight and sleepless nights all combusting into a single night’s tears.

Gasping and trying to keep quiet enough that she wouldn’t wake the Doctor, Rose wiped her eyes and pulled herself together. It had been a long few years, it was true. It was finally over, but god, what it had cost her. Still. He was worth it. He was always worth it.

She took in a shaky breath as she faced the hotel room. He lay perfectly still in their bed – the bed they had agreed to share just before collapsing into exhausted sleep. She smiled a little despite the ache in her chest. Oh, yes. He was so worth it.

They had a future. Together. That’s what he had promised.

She tried to sneak back into bed without rousing him, but he turned to face her, eyes wide open.

_Oops._ Perhaps she hadn’t been as subtle as she thought.

“You’re freezing,” he commented, pulling her in for a cuddle. She gladly accepted his warmth and snuggled into his chest. It wasn’t easy, though. The physical contact was a shock to her system after years of loneliness. She wondered if this was what it had been like for him the first time. When he was the one who had had to fight a war alone. Perhaps it would be him who made her better this time around.

_Uh oh. Not again._ A tear ran down her cheek. The same heaviness in her chest, thick lump in her throat, and burning behind her eyes that she had surrendered to on the balcony all rose up again.

“Shhh, it’s alright, love. It’s really me, I promise. I’m really here,” he whispered in her ear as he stroked her back.

Despite wishing she could stay safe in his arms forever, she pulled away.

“Doctor…”

“I am him, Rose.”

“I know,” she huffed, wiping at her running nose and puffy, wet eyes. “I know it’s you, Doctor. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Oh. Then why are you upset?” The perplexity he wore was so Doctor-ish, she couldn’t help but laugh a few breaths as she tried to answer.

“I don’t know. It’s just, I’ve been through a lot, right? And now that it’s over, now that I’ve found you and we saved the world…” she trailed off, shaking her head as she fought back against the dark emotions within.

“Oh, Rose Tyler. We didn’t just save the world. We saved multiverses. Every universe. All of reality. And you were brilliant.”

“I…” she swallowed, unsure of what was about to spill out of her next. “I _had_ to be. I’ve had to be for a long time now.”

“Rose?” He tried to read her stormy words and expression in the moonlight, but must have been unsuccessful because he didn’t continue.

“I had to do it all alone here, Doctor.” A weight hit her stomach as she realized the root of her anguish.

Anger.

She was irrationally, but undoubtedly, furious at him. And it needed to come out if they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Not that she had much choice in the matter because the words were coming out of her mouth now, whether she liked it or not, finally giving voice to her mourning.

“You weren’t here. And I had to do it alone, every time this world needed saving, every time another star went out. Sure, there’s Torchwood and Mickey and Jake and Dad. And I couldn’t have done it without them. But in the end, the only person I had was me. No matter where I landed with the cannon – war zones and parallel realities that were just _wrong_ and hell itself – it was just me surviving it.”

“To find me.” The sorrow and pride in her and wonder mixed on the Doctor’s face, causing her emotional barriers to crumble even further. “But what if I couldn’t help, Rose? What if there was nothing I could have done? What if I had failed?”

Rose sat up in bed, adrenaline rushing through her once more.

“No.”

“What?”

“NO. You do not get to play the pity card here,” she hissed out, shooting the fiery arrows with a low and quiet precision. “You do _not_ get to tell me this wasn’t worth it. That _you_ weren’t worth the risk. That’s not how this works.”

He sat up next to her, bewildered into silence.

“You weren’t here.” The sentence stuck in her brain until she was shouting it. “You weren’t here! You were supposed to be there!”

“Rose…” His tone reminded her to control her volume. It wouldn’t do to wake her mother in the next room, especially not at this hour. Especially not over this. But she couldn’t stop completely.

“No, I know I’m being ridiculous and childish and you don’t deserve this, but please,” she begged through her sniffing and tears. “Please just let me say this. It hurt, Doctor. I never thought our life would be easy, not for a minute since you said ‘run,’ but I did think it would be together. You said I could stay with you for the rest of my life and I promised forever and I was so ready for that… but then.”

“Then I lost you,” he finished.

She nodded and bit her lip.

“And every time I reached for your hand or thought of something funny that would make you laugh or ran for my life or faced true, real danger… you weren’t there. And it hurt. And I was scared. And I wanted you with me so, so bad,” she whimpered out the last bit. Her anger at the injustice of the past few years crumpled into her clinging to his chest as he gathered her close again.

“I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry.”

“Hush. It isn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done.” Even as she said the words, her heart forgave him for his absence. Finally her involuntary therapy sessions with the Torchwood shrink made sense. Even though she knew he would have done anything to be with her, part of her had resented that he got to continue on, to live their life, while she suffered without him. In her particularly dark moments, she wondered if he even missed her after all these years.

“It was the same for me, you know,” he murmured into the dark. She knew he wouldn’t really read her mind without permission, but it was as if he knew what she was thinking anyway. “Months and months, I searched for a way to get back here. Practically tore apart the console – and the universe – trying to fall through the way we did before.”

“But we were just too good,” she concluded with a rueful, knowing upturn of her lips.

“Yep. One tiny hole, an entire supernova. And all I could do was say goodbye.”

Her fingers curled tighter into his T-shirt as he continued.

“I know what it’s like, you know.  You were supposed to be there too. Sure, I had Donna and Martha. At times. But you… You were gone. And you were the one I needed. Especially that first year, I didn’t think I could make it without you. Didn’t want to.”

“I know.” She shivered against him, remembering Donna’s pocket universe – that awful dying TARDIS and identifying his body at UNIT headquarters and thinking of that abandoned sonic, now among her most precious possessions. “I mean, in some of the dimensions. In one… you didn’t make it. Or try to.”

“Oh. Rose, look at me,” he requested. She sat up and brushed her hand down his shirt to straighten where she had wrinkled it. “I wish you’d never had to–”

“Stop it. No more apologizing. Or I’ll _really_ be angry with you instead of just being angry at the universe and taking it out on you.” She gave him a sad smile to fit her self-depreciating admittance. He matched it and accepted her silent challenge to lighten the mood.

“Well, according to _some_ of today’s reports, I’m full of anger and revenge and such rubbish as well. As the self-proclaimed expert on such matters, I have to say a stress ball from the white moon of Tirya would do wonders on a night like this.”

“A stress ball? An alien stress ball. That’s your prescription, _Doctor_?” She smiled for real now. He tugged on her waist, and she settled back down against him. The longer he held her, absently running his thumb up and down her arm, the lighter her heart felt.

“Oh, that’s not my only recommendation.” His voice lowered in the way that she remembered meant that whatever he was about to say, he was serious. And sincere. “As your Doctor, I also highly advocate, um… affectionate touch. Very healing, touch.”

“Do you now?” She played along, picking up on where he was going with this and his timidity in bringing it up.

“Yes. Particularly inter-species. Though it wouldn’t be too inter-species. Some things are the same, you see. But in case that healing touch did get… _intimate_ … there would be conversations that we would need to have. But later, when you’re ready for it, of course, but even in lower amounts of contact, it might help with the, you know.”

“Healing?” she provided, now thoroughly amused by his blushing and rambling. “And would this healing touch include snogging?”

“Oh, yes. That is certainly recommended. The more the better is my school of thought. Mind, I’ve not had much field research.”

“Sounds like further experimentation is in order, Doc.”

“That’s – yes, you always did have the best ideas, I see that hasn’t changed. You know in some cultures, the exchange of– ”

“Doctor!” she cut him off just in time. “Shut up and kiss me.”

He was right, of course. They moved together, finding a comfortable position against the pillows as their lips slid together in a much slower dance than the desperate kiss on the beach. After a while, she pushed up and hovered over him, taking in his every freckle in the moonlight. Each one in its place, just as she recalled. He stroked her hair back behind her ear and caressed her tear-stained cheek.

“I still love you, you know,” she whispered.

“I know,” he returned. “Just like you know I’ve loved you long before I told you today.”

“I know.”

He drew her back down to pick up where they left off. After plenty of “healing” kissing, they eventually settled into an embrace that allowed them both to sleep. They had a zeppelin to catch in the morning. The flight that would mark the beginning of their forever.

 


End file.
